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Part of the 'Sharp To The Flat' Musical (work in progress). Amanda is alarmed by the size for her phone bill and decides to ring the phone companied support number. As she waits for the call to be answered she puts her mobile onto speaker phone. We hear the muted strains of the hold music. The music is interrupted by a recorded message and on the far side of the stage we see the person at the call centre speaking the words. The music now fills the stage and the three call centre operators sing a song taunting Amanda's frustration.


Lyric: Compete
Music: Backing track recorded, awaiting vocals

Martin Day (and his dog) Go to 'The Dog' Read about the author I'm Martin Day. Please contact me about anything on this site. I will reply personally. email Martin Day

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'Your Call is Important'                      by Martin Day

(Spoken) “We are currently experiencing a large volume of calls”… “Please be assured…”
        Your call is important to us please stay on the line.
        You are in a queue; we’ll answer when we get the time.
        All our lines are busy and all our phones are manned.
        Please have your account number ready, close at hand.

We could be in India or Edinburgh or Crewe.
We could be most anywhere you haven’t got a clue.
We can ask your favourite film or name of your first pet.
We can ask you anything, but you can’t ask; not yet.

About now you’re sweating and you might abandon call.
Few last out the quarter hour of staring at the wall.
You could always try online and message into space.
The line you’re on is premium. Dare you lose your place?

(Spoken) “You are now 7th in the queue.”
(Spoken) “You are now 5th in the queue.”

(Spoken) “If you’d like to change the music that you listen to whilst you wait. Say ‘one’ for classical, ‘two’ for pop. Say ‘three’ for jazz”
Amanda: “Three!”
(Break into jazz-style middle 8)

(Spoken) “You are now 4th in the queue.”

You might speak to Jade today or Anupreet or Sue.
We can all do accents and can fake compassion too.
We each have perfect manners and are very well equipped
To answer any question that is written in our script.

We might be on a coffee break or lunch in this time zone.
We might be in a meeting or already left for home,
Maybe a conversation that’s much more fun than you,
Or we could be on hold - to a call centre too.

(Spoken) “You are now 2nd in the queue.”
(Spoken) “You are now 3rd in the queue.”

© M Day 14-Nov-2012






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