'Dogslife' by Martin Day
Every day I jump out of my bed,
Run straight downstairs with my throbbing head,
To feed 'Doggy-bix' to doggy Fred,
To build him up, to build him up,
To build him up, like the advert said.
When I take my dog out for a walk
People stop me in the street.
On bended knees they squat and talk
To my dog, just to my dog,
Only to my dog, and call him sweet.
They pamper him and stroke his chin.
Everybody loves him I can see.
The coldest hearts he'll always win,
But none of them, No, none of them,
Not one of them ever talks to me.
"Where've you been? Now who's a nice chap."
"I've been walking the dog now I'm homeward bound."
"Who asked you to open your trap?"
"I wasn't talking to you, I wouldn't talk to you,"
"I never talk to you, but to the hound."
The loveliest girls, the nicest blokes,
And little old ladies with sweets to spare.
In fact he meets all the best folks.
I might as well, but I might as well,
Yeah, I might as well be else where.
Then Fred got ill I had him chloroformed.
So I don't need to go for walks any more.
My social life has been transformed,
I see less folks, I meet less folks,
I don't see any folks, like I did before.© M Day 1982